Dear YFS,

I am worried my son is not happy at school even though he says school is fine. He seemed happy last year but now he is at a new elementary school and seems to come home sad most days. I thought about talking to his school counselor but I don’t want her to judge my son or have him be labeled a “problem child.” What should I do?

AM

Dear AM,

Rest assured that you can talk to the Mercer Island Youth and Family Services school-based counselor regarding your child without being judged or thought of negatively. Counselors speak to parents every day with similar concerns about their child’s well-being.

As the person closest to a child, parents are often the first to recognize when something feels out of the ordinary; much like when you know your child is coming down with a cold or illness. Counselors appreciate this wisdom and begin by listening to your concerns before discussing a support plan for your child.

By calling attention to your son’s feelings, you help the counselor get him on their radar for extra support or intervention if needed — something all counselors appreciate. Think of the counselor as a confidential consultant to help your son adjust at school and to give you new ideas for helping him manage his feelings at home.

Counselors will typically ask about the child’s behavior, changes in the family and school environment and other environmental conditions. This helps assess if a child’s behavior is situational (a temporary reaction to changes) or an indication of something requiring a more thorough assessment. From here you and the counselor determine what kind of support might help your son deal with his sadness appropriately — and how you can help him.

Another issue relevant to your question is that of stigma. Stigma shows up as a concern or reluctance with asking for counseling or mental health support for fear of being labeled or judged. More and more parents are coming to our counselors and some good news is that the stigma on Mercer Island is decreasing.

I am glad to see you are reaching out on behalf of your child. The most recent research on brain functioning clearly demonstrates that good mental health has an enormous effect on overall functioning and well-being. In fact, an annual “mental health checkup” is recommended for people of all ages as a form of detection and prevention — just like in the medical field.

Cindy Goodwin is the director of Mercer Island Youth and Family Services. The advice offered by YFS is intended for informational purposes only and to guide you in seeking further resources if needed. The answers to questions are not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, psychological, financial, medical, legal or other professional advice. If you have a question you would like to ask Cindy to answer in this column, email miyfs@mercergov.org.