I met the woman who would become my wife when we were 18 years old. We dated each other’s roommates at Seattle Pacific University, but never went out with each other. Our first date was 10 years after we had met, when we were both settled into our careers, Wendy as a teacher and I as a pastor. Over the next 18 months I became convinced I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life with anyone else. When the time came to propose, I decided I would pop the question in a memorable way.

Because Wendy and I spent many Friday nights during our courtship playing Scrabble, I had an idea. I purchased a travel Scrabble board and arranged the tiles crossword-style: “Wendy please agree to be my wife. Love Gregory.”

The fact that Wendy and I will celebrate 35 years of marriage this month indicates how she answered my proposal — with a three-letter word.

Curiously, the game of letters continues to factor into our lasting relationship. On rainy spring nights we still sit by the fire, sip a glass of wine and spell words to our heart’s content. But beyond the joy of playing a game we love, Wendy and I see clues in Scrabble that spell out a few simple keys to commitment. Keys that can unlock resolvable conflicts in a culture where too many marriages fail.

In Scrabble as in marriage, we can’t do it alone. We need each other to make it work. The essence of the game is finding ways to connect; parallel pursuits don’t make it. Our relationship is strongest when both Wendy and I validate each other’s contributions and seek to add to them. Occasional challenges are important for keeping each other on track.

Scrabble also reminds us we must do the best with what we have. There will always be someone who has more valuable letters or opportune places to play, just as there will always be couples who have more assets and opportunities than we do. All the same, enjoyment in Scrabble and marriage has nothing to do with possessions and everything to do with contentment.

To commemorate our 35th anniversary, we are going on a cruise to Alaska. In addition to packing appropriate attire, a camera and a journal, I’ll be taking along our game of Scrabble. In a word, it’s part of what marks our relationship as special.

Let me see, if I spell blessed, I use all my letters and get 50 extra points.