More victims of sexual abuse are speaking out | Hamer

Published 12:45 pm Monday, September 8, 2025

My column “Mercer Island High School sex abuse story hit home” got a lot of reaction. I told the story of how my sister, at the age of 15 and in 9th grade, had been sexually abused by a respected teacher – and how that profoundly affected her life.

Many readers had comments, questions, praise and criticisms. They sent me emails, texts, voice messages, and confronted me at public events. I had called for “robust public debate.” I got my wish. And it underscored how widespread this problem is. Examples:

A CHILD VICTIM

My sister’s best friend from junior-high school, Gayle Frey Welsh, now 81, called me and we talked for hours. She recalled how my sister had changed after the incident – withdrew from friends, stopped studying, didn’t participate in school activities. They lost touch after graduation, but reconnected at their 40th class reunion and began talking about what had happened decades earlier.

I learned that my sister had also been “date raped” by a classmate in her sophomore year – which I hadn’t known and don’t think my parents knew either. My sister may not have told anyone.

Then Gayle told me something deeply disturbing: She herself had been sexually abused by her own grandfather at the age of 3 years and 9 months. Gayle said it took her decades to comprehend that abuse. The memories resurfaced when she was 47 and began her healing process.

Eventually she started a nonprofit organization called “Survivors of Incest.” Hundreds of victims came for counseling, advice, a support group, and literature – all provided for free. They had been betrayed not by teachers, but by grandparents, parents, stepparents, siblings, uncles, cousins, or other trusted individuals. “It’s happening all over,” she said. “Victims have to come forward. They have to be willing to be public – or there will be more victims.”

A TEENAGE VICTIM

Another woman I know, Virginia McKenzie, 50, asked me to describe how my sister’s life was changed by her experience with the teacher. But before I could tell her, she related how she had experienced what she called a “sexual trespass” at the age of 13 by a 27-year-old man. She conceded that she was an active participant. “He was attractive. I was flirty in a coy, 13-year-old way. He invited me to his place. It was fun. It was exciting. He was completely fascinated with me. I was flattered. I liked being with him. And then one day he took my hand and walked me into his bedroom. I was in a kind of frozen state. Afterward, he showed me to the door. I have spent the rest of my life thinking about those few weeks with this man.”

She felt embarrassed, guilty and confused. She decided to confide in a homeroom teacher whom she trusted. “He was titillated. He asked me to come to his car because the seats reclined. Looking back on it, he wanted to take advantage of me in the same way. It was a come-on, for sure. I declined the advance, but I also savored it as a special secret with my favorite teacher. It wasn’t until a decade or more later that I realized how wrong he was to proposition me instead of reporting the statutory rape.”

Years later, she started an ambitious effort to help people who have been victims of sex trafficking. The “Rotary Club of the Pacific Northwest Ending Sex Trafficking,” was chartered in 2021 and sponsored by Seattle Rotary and Rotary International.

She has worked with the King County Sexual Assault Resource Center, which has many adult clients who are only now coming to terms with incidents from their youth. Prevention is key to addressing the problem, she believes, and has written “talking points” that parents or other trusted friends and relatives can use with young people, either girls or boys. See her letter to the editor here.

A MALE VICTIM

Another friend, Todd White, 62, who testified at the MISD School Board meeting last week, was sexually abused by a coach along with other boys on the lacrosse team at Ohio State University. He told the board that he was relating the experience in public for the first time. A class-action lawsuit against the university was filed and is still in litigation. Some of the victims settled for cash payments, but others refused to settle because the school has never fully admitted its role or apologized to the victims. The case is headed for arbitration.

So within a few days of my last column, I had extraordinary conversations with people who were victims of sex abuse by older trusted adults. These courageous individuals kept the incidents buried for many years but now are willing to come out in public and reveal details – and believe other victims should do the same.

That’s why continued investigations by the news media of the Mercer Island High School case is so essential. Yes, it’s vital to protect the privacy of victims if that’s their choice. So far, no names of those victimized at MIHS have been made public. It is up to each individual to decide whether to come forward.

But if victims don’t report violations, the perpetrators will likely continue their deplorable behavior. There will be more victims. We must work to prevent that. We all have a voice today. Speak up. The past victims – and potential victims – are listening.

–

John Hamer (jhamer46@gmail.com) is a former editorial writer/columnist for The Seattle Times. He has lived on Mercer Island for 25 years and has four grandchildren, including a granddaughter who just started middle school.