What did we men learn from our fathers? /John Hamer

Published 12:30 pm Monday, June 15, 2026

Father’s Day brings mixed feelings for me. I am not a biological father; my first wife and I didn’t have children. But thanks to a second marriage, I am now a stepfather and a grandfather of four.

My father, like most dads, had a strong influence on me – which I realize more as years go by. I just turned 80 and have been reflecting on my past. My dad lived to the age of 98 and was sharp as the proverbial tack until the last few weeks of his life.

In his later years, he completed his autobiography, which I had the pleasure of helping him write. I suggested the title: “Go West, Young Man,” because at the age of 18 he left home in Wisconsin, drove to Oregon with a friend, built a log cabin in the Siskiyou Mountains and spent a winter trapping. He earned enough money to go to Oregon State College for a degree in wildlife management and worked for the Oregon Game Commission. In World War II, he was a Navy officer on a cargo ship that carried supplies to Alaska. When I was growing up, we hunted, fished, hiked, backpacked, and climbed mountains together. He and my mom, a librarian, read a lot and had books all over the house. He also loved teaching young people about the environment.

What did I learn from my father? In retrospect, a lot. I became independent early. At age 18, I hitchhiked across the United States by myself. I went to college in New Hampshire, 3,000 miles away from my Oregon home. I wanted to become a Navy SEAL and went to Scuba School in Key West, but a serious car accident kept me out of military service.

But like my father, I became a strong conservationist. As a journalist in Washington, D.C., I covered all of the major environmental bills passed by Congress in the 1970s. I also worked with kids as a tutor in a South Seattle elementary school. I think my dad was proud of me for following in his footsteps.

On this Father’s Day, I decided to ask some of my friends how their fathers had affected their lives. I have a group of old friends my age who get together for dinners now and then. Some of us go back to kindergarten, elementary school, junior-high or high school, and have stayed in touch since college. We all had similar backgrounds but ended up in many different careers. We have robust debates and sometimes argue vehemently. But we have managed to remain friends — as our fathers would have encouraged us to do.

The other day I asked my friends to answer three questions about how their fathers had impacted their lives:

1. What was the most important value, lesson or skill you learned from your father?

2. How are you most like him?

3. How are you most different from him?

I received some great responses. A few excerpts:

A friend whose father was a preacher and college president said: “He instilled in me an unwavering pride in our country and how we should try to give back. His unconditional love for his family, his integrity and his work ethic could be imitated by me but try as I might never equaled. Most importantly he humbly showed me by word and deed what it is like to have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. His repayment has come by way of eternal life.”

A friend whose father ran three community shoe stores: “He worked hard his whole life and provided for his family. One of his biggest lessons he passed on was you don’t quit. When circumstances are difficult and quitting would be the easiest solution, you put your head down and persevere. When faced with my own challenges I have instinctively found a way to put my head down and stay the course.”

A friend whose father was a salesman wrote: “My father was a man of the highest moral character who attended church regularly and who I never heard swear, or even speak badly of someone else in his entire life. He was also an honest man who I am absolutely certain would never try to cheat or take advantage of someone else. He knew right from wrong and always did what he believed was right – and he expected me to do the same.”

A friend who grew up on a farm wrote: “We had three horses and it was my job to take care of them when my father was on the road with his job. Feed them, carry water to the barn in the winter, clean the stalls and when they would escape from the pasture go look for them and bring them home. My Dad would get me up early before school (like 6 a.m.) and dig post holes in the rocky Spokane soil to build a wood fence around the property. My Father’s strength clearly came through when tears of joy or sadness were shared with us. That capacity that I learned from my Father has made me a better son, brother, friend and person: not afraid to cry.”

I am still getting responses from my old friends but have run out of space here. With Father’s Day approaching, here’s one lesson we should always remember: Fathers matter.

John Hamer is a former editorial writer and columnist for The Seattle Times. He supports a Seattle-based nonprofit called DADS (www.aboutdads.org), which is having its annual dinner on June 17.